And there it is....

This post will stray a bit from my typical posts, and it's definitely a weird break in the middle of my retelling the wedding story, but it's what's big inside me at the moment. As I'm a teacher on summer break with a bit of extra time on her hands, I have more time and energy to publish that which I am feeling. Call it the cycles of the moon (I swear they are getting to me more and more in my ripe age of 29), call it the wind-down and debriefing of emotions post-wedding, but this summer I've got a lot of extra, extra large feelings going on, too big for my physical body sometimes. So I purge....

We can call this a tribute to KB.

At first glance, I know we turn some heads and make others wonder what it is that really brought and keeps us together. At second glance, I sometimes wonder that myself. I say that with all the love in my heart. The teacher and the musician, not such a likely combo. I receive the not so infrequent phone call starting with "Pele, don't be angry, but....." followed by something like "I bought another drum for my kit and still need 50 Ls to pay for it" or I get awakened by musicians still rocking out in our upstairs bedroom at 3am on a school night or it's just plain summer concert tour mode and then there's no reasoning....and so on.

But I can say all of that with a smile in my heart and on my face, because here's why. When I was going through my divorce three years ago, I dealt with stuff in a lot of ways, but one thing I did was to make an angry CD for myself to listen to when I needed to get that stuff out and a happy CD to bring myself back up again. The transition song in the middle, was what I called my hope song. It was all that I was looking for in a life partner and I listened to it with a slim possibility that just maybe, I might still be able to find that for myself someday. In the end, it happened a bunch faster than I thought, not necessarily in the form that I had expected (again, all the love in my heart.... :), but the bottom line was, that every line in this hope song was answered in one person.

We made a deal with each other, early on, that it's not fair to cage up a butterfly or put a tear in its wings by trying to hold it down. We are two pretty different people, and though we may not always understand each other, we understand that we each have our own needs and do our best to respect that about each other. And bottom line is, we love each other for that. So there it is.....

I don't know about the legality of copyright stuff on blogs, but I fully attribute the next lines of the text to Alanis Morissette. The song called "Everything", my hope song....

I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here....

I blame everyone else not my own partaking
My passive aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as close to down as I am sometimes

What I resist, persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which I can't relate

And you're still here...