Three decades

Birthdays have always been a big deal for me. Ever since I was young, I've had a particular dislike of St. Patrick's Day because it was in "my" month and all that green and shamrocky stuff took away from what in my mind should have been a purple month all about me. (Save shamrock shakes served at McDonald's during the month of March, those were also invented just for me and they can stay.) There was a rule growing up that we weren't allowed to talk about birthdays until exactly one month before the fact. (Torture at the time, but I now fully understand the need for adults to maintain their sanity, and I've enforced that same rule in my own classroom.) You can believe come February 5, I was all about planning for March 5. At least that's the way I remember it. It's no wonder at some point I captured the nickname Birthday Princess...

So I've always made a big deal about celebrating it, but at the same time internally, from a very young age, birthdays have been a serious time of reflection for me in a way that I'm sure was well beyond my years. On my 13th birthday after all my friends had gone home after the party, I cried crocodile tears because I was no longer a child. (I remember my mom comforting me and finally calming me by putting it into perspective and saying "If you think you feel old because you're a teenager now, imagine how I feel - I have a daughter who's a teenager now!") I'm quite sure 10 was even traumatic for me because I was already in the double digits. I recognize this is not the standard reaction for most children who just can't wait to grow up and be teenagers. I can only attribute it to some kind of deep, soulful understanding that a good childhood really is the happiest, safest time of our lives, and already then, without really knowing it, I knew it would only get harder from here on out and I was trying to savor it while I still had it. Maybe that's one of the many reasons I'm a teacher, so I can still have access to that part of life and if possible help make it a bit happier for those souls who are still lucky enough to be in that carefree time.

26 was another big reflective one for me. I was past a quarter of a century and close enough to 30 that I really dissected my life and set some serious goals for myself as to what I wanted to accomplish by the time I reached 30. Mostly it had to do with getting my life in order so that I'd be ready to have a family. Clearly I could plan all I wanted, but life had different plans for me. So yesterday, when I passed that looming three decade mark in my life, I found that I'm still a bit dazed and confused at how dramatically life can change in a relatively short period of time. I'm still diligently and sometimes painfully working on finding some kind of balance between what I was, what I am and what I'd like to be. And yet I keep coming up on this idea of life leading me to a more laidback space, where I just might learn to let it go and to just be.

At any rate, I definitely don't have it figured out just yet. The more I experience, the less I know. In one sense, that's exciting, in the other sense, I sort of feel I've hit a point where it's just a bit too much right now. I was recently talking with a colleague about this very thing - living outside your comfort zone is good, it pushes you to grow as a person, but at the same time, you still need just enough comfort to feel ok with it all. And that's where I am, on this birthday. I've heard over and over again how the 30s are better than the 20s, and that is something I am definitely looking forward to!

All that being said, March 5 was quite a nice day for me this year. I got lots of flowers at work again, so that you could already smell spring from my classroom coming up the steps to the second floor! I even received a basket of flowers with warm wishes from Africa which was a terrific surprise! :) I also have plenty of chocolate to keep me sane at work for the next month, which is very necessary (certainly not because of the students, but the politics of the school) and I received a beautiful stone necklace from my students. The day had started bright and early before the sun with a birthday card in the mailbox of our new home - my parents had sent it just three days before and it miraculously arrived right on my birthday. (I realize I'm getting more sentimental when a card made me cry!) And the day ended with us visiting a friend who had just recently climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro and been on a safari in Tanzania, so we went to watch her slideshow of photos. Absolutely beautiful and breathtaking - there is so much more to see and do in the next three (plus) decades, that is for sure... As we were leaving, the conversation ended with this friend telling us how she has gone out and done all these amazing things in life because came to realize that the only thing holding her back in life is herself. And that's what was on my mind as I fell asleep on March 5 the thirtieth, the purplest, and simultaneously happiest and most reflective day of the year....