My birthday wish

As I come up on my birthday month (yes, I traditionally think of the whole month as belonging to me) here is my wish in this rollercoaster of a year. (So far this year has taken the cake in achieving extreme highs and recordbreaking lows in such an amazingly short amount of time - and I've had some significant rollercoasters in my time...) I wish that everyone who has been handed a basketful of lemons in 2010 (because I am not the only one) is able to make the most delicious lemonade ever (straight up or mixed with your alcoholic drink of choice). It's all leading to something good, that if for certain. I was just going to ask life to give us a minute to add some water and dilute those lemons for the lemonade, but looking at the wet spot in my ceiling and the river of a street with all this melting snow, fear not, water is on the way. :) More sugar, please. :)

(P.S. This is not to say life should never hand you lemons. I fully recognize their nutritional value and necessity for growth in life as well. Lemons are ok too, just sometimes the really big ones are tough to digest.)

Huh

Was she pretending to be a child again or had she just lost her mind? I just saw an 80+ year old woman walking down the street eating a snowball like it was an apple. My mind is not quite sure how to process that one... :)

Four years

My profile now officially reads "after FOUR years in LV...." (February 13 came and went quite uneventfully this year, with me slugging on the couch with my kleenex box battling a particularly unfriendly cold), but the sentence continues to read "I'm still trying to make sense of it all." Wondering if/when I might get to edit the rest of that sentence, but I'm starting to think that just might be part of it all.

To my faithful readers who are still waiting for LV as home, Part 2 (and to myself, disappointed for still not being able to fully articulate)... I guess that is what this whole blog is about... If I could put it into words in a nice neat sentence, I'd do it, but I sincerely struggle with it. Instead I can only offer photographs or anecdotes which give small insights into what I'm feeling, but there is no nutshell for me. At least not yet. Maybe by year 5?

I can only say I've come up with the realization that a lot of the things I love about being here could be summed as storybook moments. They're small glimpses into all the wonderful and beautiful things we learned and experienced about LV while growing up elsewhere, and to be able to experience them firsthand and more often than just while vacationing here but really being part of it, make up one piece of the puzzle as to why LV feels like home. Like last week, it made me smile out loud again to hear someone's ringtone on the train - a well-loved Latvian folksong. I have no idea who that person is, but it's a small instant connection. It's the little stuff...

Hmmmmm.....did any of that actually make sense? Could be my stuffy sick head still talking....that being said, I think it's time to get off the cat's schedule (sleeping 20 or so hours a day) and consider cleaning this pighole. KB is still recovering from surgery and even though we've both been down for the count, we have not been able to convince Mims to pitch in with the housework, thus the mega-mess. You see, life is still life everywhere, and in between the storybook moments, there's still cleaning to be done.

*** P.S. A little bit more reflection after cleaning....

The final part of that first sentence in my profile reads "but always with a smile...." Lately I feel like that smile has faded and maybe that's why it's a bit harder for me to write. But I look at the rest of what I have written - about the storms being a bit stormier, the sun shining a bit brighter....and rainbows through it all. It's been a heavily stormy period - watching this country not really be able to take care of itself yet, watching people around me lose faith in this place even as I'm struggling to hang on to my own, feeling exhausted from constantly trying to make ends meet, saying good-bye to friends who are family over and over again....but I'm still hopeful that means there are some seriously bright days coming ahead as a law of averages. And I am well overdue for a rainbow. Good thing spring is just around the corner.

LV as home, Part 1

Still working on my own explanation clarifying why and how LV feels like home, but as a starter, let me present the lyrics of a song. The song is from a boy band Tranzits but the words give me goosebumps every time I hear them. So I guess if you read this and can relate, that's the beginning of this conversation (as the first lines of the lyrics indicate). :)

Es gribu Tev ko pajautāt
Vai esi redzējis Latviju rītausmā – ja jā
Tad varam sākt
Par sajūtām
Kuras visskaudrāk mēs izjūtam tālu no mājām
Kā ceļš
Kā valoda
Tās vieno mūs un tās atņemt vai nopirkt tie nespēs
Ir laiks
Ar sevi sākt
Ko dalīt vienmēr ir bijis un būs

Piedz.
Kamēr vasaras rītos no ziedošām pļavām balta migla pacelsies
Lai cik tālu bijis vienalga ko darījis ceļš mans mājup ies
Ja ikviens savu sirdi no bailēm un pagātnes sārņiem iztīrīs
Strauts kas tek man gar mājām gadu tūkstošiem ilgi atkal tecēs tīrs

Un var jau būt
Sen liekas Tev
Ka citur zaļāka zāle un skaistāk dzied putni
Kā tiem no tuksnešiem
Kas izvelk saknes un ripo – kur labi tur mājas
Cik daudz vēl spēka būs
Jo kalnam augstajam neredz ne gala ne malas
Bet reiz ir jāsaprot
Ka tikai kopā tur uzkāpt būs lemts

Varbūt ka esmu naivs
Un viss tikai cīņa ar vējdzirnavām
Bet kamēr tecēs strauts
Mana ticība nezudīs