Huh

Was she pretending to be a child again or had she just lost her mind? I just saw an 80+ year old woman walking down the street eating a snowball like it was an apple. My mind is not quite sure how to process that one... :)

Four years

My profile now officially reads "after FOUR years in LV...." (February 13 came and went quite uneventfully this year, with me slugging on the couch with my kleenex box battling a particularly unfriendly cold), but the sentence continues to read "I'm still trying to make sense of it all." Wondering if/when I might get to edit the rest of that sentence, but I'm starting to think that just might be part of it all.

To my faithful readers who are still waiting for LV as home, Part 2 (and to myself, disappointed for still not being able to fully articulate)... I guess that is what this whole blog is about... If I could put it into words in a nice neat sentence, I'd do it, but I sincerely struggle with it. Instead I can only offer photographs or anecdotes which give small insights into what I'm feeling, but there is no nutshell for me. At least not yet. Maybe by year 5?

I can only say I've come up with the realization that a lot of the things I love about being here could be summed as storybook moments. They're small glimpses into all the wonderful and beautiful things we learned and experienced about LV while growing up elsewhere, and to be able to experience them firsthand and more often than just while vacationing here but really being part of it, make up one piece of the puzzle as to why LV feels like home. Like last week, it made me smile out loud again to hear someone's ringtone on the train - a well-loved Latvian folksong. I have no idea who that person is, but it's a small instant connection. It's the little stuff...

Hmmmmm.....did any of that actually make sense? Could be my stuffy sick head still talking....that being said, I think it's time to get off the cat's schedule (sleeping 20 or so hours a day) and consider cleaning this pighole. KB is still recovering from surgery and even though we've both been down for the count, we have not been able to convince Mims to pitch in with the housework, thus the mega-mess. You see, life is still life everywhere, and in between the storybook moments, there's still cleaning to be done.

*** P.S. A little bit more reflection after cleaning....

The final part of that first sentence in my profile reads "but always with a smile...." Lately I feel like that smile has faded and maybe that's why it's a bit harder for me to write. But I look at the rest of what I have written - about the storms being a bit stormier, the sun shining a bit brighter....and rainbows through it all. It's been a heavily stormy period - watching this country not really be able to take care of itself yet, watching people around me lose faith in this place even as I'm struggling to hang on to my own, feeling exhausted from constantly trying to make ends meet, saying good-bye to friends who are family over and over again....but I'm still hopeful that means there are some seriously bright days coming ahead as a law of averages. And I am well overdue for a rainbow. Good thing spring is just around the corner.

LV as home, Part 1

Still working on my own explanation clarifying why and how LV feels like home, but as a starter, let me present the lyrics of a song. The song is from a boy band Tranzits but the words give me goosebumps every time I hear them. So I guess if you read this and can relate, that's the beginning of this conversation (as the first lines of the lyrics indicate). :)

Es gribu Tev ko pajautāt
Vai esi redzējis Latviju rītausmā – ja jā
Tad varam sākt
Par sajūtām
Kuras visskaudrāk mēs izjūtam tālu no mājām
Kā ceļš
Kā valoda
Tās vieno mūs un tās atņemt vai nopirkt tie nespēs
Ir laiks
Ar sevi sākt
Ko dalīt vienmēr ir bijis un būs

Piedz.
Kamēr vasaras rītos no ziedošām pļavām balta migla pacelsies
Lai cik tālu bijis vienalga ko darījis ceļš mans mājup ies
Ja ikviens savu sirdi no bailēm un pagātnes sārņiem iztīrīs
Strauts kas tek man gar mājām gadu tūkstošiem ilgi atkal tecēs tīrs

Un var jau būt
Sen liekas Tev
Ka citur zaļāka zāle un skaistāk dzied putni
Kā tiem no tuksnešiem
Kas izvelk saknes un ripo – kur labi tur mājas
Cik daudz vēl spēka būs
Jo kalnam augstajam neredz ne gala ne malas
Bet reiz ir jāsaprot
Ka tikai kopā tur uzkāpt būs lemts

Varbūt ka esmu naivs
Un viss tikai cīņa ar vējdzirnavām
Bet kamēr tecēs strauts
Mana ticība nezudīs

The world's tallest snowman....

....is right here in Sigulda, measuring seven meters! The competition open to all of Sigulda's primary school students to name the snowman is happening this week. :)

Living in scary times

Yesterday I thought there was going to be a riot on the train to work. It stopped just outside of Riga, no explanation. After about five minutes of waiting, people were coming up to the front car and just pounding down the door to the conductor, demanding information. When he said that he didn't know how long we would be standing but he just got information from Riga that the computer system is down and we can't get in (I guess because they couldn't switch over the tracks), everyone just started yelling about how he needed to open the doors and let them out immediately. At first he said no, and I was thinking what are all these people so worked up about, there's nothing that can be done, so just sit down and relax. But they all start screaming about how they have to get to work on time or they will get let go. And I realized for a good number of them, it's probably true. When the unemployment rate is over 20%, I guess you make one mistake and your boss doesn't think twice about letting you go because there are hundreds and thousands of others who will gladly do your job, and be there on time. Yikes. So finally the conductor opened the doors, in the middle of nowhere (at least I had no idea what we were even close to or where I would go) and people start jumping out of the train landing in snow banks (no platform). Madness. In the end we ended up getting into Riga half an hour later than scheduled, and I still made it to work before school started. I spent the day feeling very grateful to have an employer that would have been understanding in such a situation.

I have been mulling over completing my thoughts about "home in LV" all week. Yesterday I actually started taking some notes on the train ride home, so we'll see if I can't cook something up by the end of this weekend.

I thought I was losing my mind when I heard birds chirping outside this morning, but I just saw them flying from tree to tree, so clearly nature begins to wake up when the temperature goes from -28 to -2. We still have 40 cm of snow on the ground (it snowed more this week), but it's another beautiful blue sky day. :)

Home is where the heart is....

Huh. This is the title that has been stuck in my head since returning to LV from my visit to the States and Mexico last summer. Never wrote about it, couldn't for some reason. Since then, KB and I were both back in the States and Canada again for the winter holidays, and upon arrival back to LV, the title is screaming loud in my mind again. But I feel stuck...again. It's not a story that's easy to articulate, but it is definitely there. I'm wondering if that's why I didn't write for so many months, and am feeling a block about writing on my blog again, even after the grand re-opening following my new year's resolution. I'm not really sure where the rest of this is going, but I figure I better give it a try...

I feel stuck because I don't know how to answer this question. Where is home? This question always becomes exaggerated just before, during and after a trip back to North America. There's lots of confusion prior to the trip when family and friends from the US ask, "What dates are you coming home?" (Wait a minute, I am home here in LV.) But then I find myself feeling very at home while I am there, while still talking about returning back home to LV. What do you do when your heart quite literally belongs in two places? And those two homes are a full day of travel and many hundreds of dollars apart...

So North America feels like home for obvious reasons, that one is not so hard to articulate. All of my nearest and dearest family and friends live there, the people who have known me the longest and love me anyway. :) Those are the ones I don't have to give long-winded explanations to - they know my history, they can know from just looking at me, they just know.... Missing these people has been exasperated lately for two reasons. First, I'm coming up on four years of living in LV. When I come back for a visit, I feel like a whole part of my life is passing me by on the other side of the ocean. It's so nice to be able to spend time together, but it doesn't make up for all the everyday stuff I am missing out on. Secondly, most "family" we have created for ourselves in terms of our closest friends here in LV have moved away thanks to the economic situation. It's tough to keep starting over again, to make those deep connections with people so you can just call them up when something is going on without having to explain yourself from the beginning again. It's just tough.

But then there's that part about LV feeling like home, that's not so easy to put into words. It has to do with this incredible sense of homecoming every time I've been away and I'm landing back at the Riga airport. LV just looks and feels different from above. I feel connected, through songs about this place, through magical moments I've had in our forest, on our land, at the sea.... I can't say any more about it today, it's all I can really articulate.

So one is a sense of home with the people, one is a sense of home with the place...

And I'll end with a photo, which I was intending to post separately, but now seems to tie in quite nicely today. It's a photo of my favorite winter holiday decorations in Riga, the first thing I saw in the mornings when leaving the train station. (Luckily, I snapped the picture just in time on Thursday because on Friday they were gone. Holiday decorations go up quite late in LV, literally just before Christmas, but they stay up through most of January which keeps it feeling nice and bright on those dark mornings....) I love these holiday lights, because it's another one of those things that just makes me smile out loud, and think, "Cool, I'm living in LV...."

2010, I will blog again...

:)

It was one of my new year's resolutions! Since I probably could have funded my next trip to North America if I had a lat for every time someone asked me "why don't you blog anymore??", I figured it was time to start writing again. Ok, it's taken 18 days into the new year to live up to this resolution, but I guess just this week I finally feel back into the swing of things here in LV.

The quick list of realizations on why I had stopped blogging (excuses, excuses....):

1. The two hours I spend on the train each day serve as my time of reflection. I have composed many a brilliant blog in my head, but by the time I got to a computer, it was already out of my system.

2. Our camera was out of order (less fun to blog without pictures).

3. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it. Life in LV has been tough, tough, and tougher. The economic crisis elsewhere in the world does not begin to compare to what is happening here. We've had a lot of friends moving away and it's just generally been an emotionally tiring time.

4. Farmville. It took over my life. Sadly, and yet happily, it was also one of my new year's resolutions to stop playing Farmville. Sorry, farmville neighbors. (Notice I have not actually had the courage to delete my existence on Farmville - actually that might suck me back in! - but I'm definitely on sabbatical.....and it's amazing how much more time I have at night and less stress worrying about withering crops.....)

So there, those are the four obstacles I am working toward overcoming in order to blog again. KB has also requested a "column" in my blog - he thinks he may write about architecture and building, music, ice fishing, forestry (mainly chain sawing), and such. So stay tuned. :)

And today, I leave you with a few photos that have come close to capturing the beauty that has been Latvia's winter since we've been back. We returned to 36 cm of snow (yes, KB measured), blocking our driveway, gate and garage - an hour of both of us shoveling just to pull the car in. But it has been perfectly white, blue sky days and an entire week's worth of frost that coated every last tree branch - absolutely gorgeous! (And I love Sigulda! Today walking home from the train I realized on the side streets the snow is still pure white - no fresh snow in over a week, but no pollution!)